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Endings - Letting Go To Let Come!

I'm bringing this blog post to you as I come out the other side of 1 week spent down in Devon at the amazing Embercome. This was the first residential module of an 18-month advanced Family Constellations training whereby I'm fortunate to be apprenticed to Barbara Morgan, one of the most globally recognised Family Constellations Facilitators in the world.

This is my 2nd round of training with the first being in the land of my Ancestors in Mourne, County Down, Northern Ireland back in 2022. A major part of becoming a Facilitator is doing deep inner work on oneself, with the view being that one can't hold space for another without doing a certain level of work on oneself. At least 50% of the training is inner work.

Training Space - Embercombe Devon

Think of it like going to the gym and building muscle. The deeper one goes into the inner work, the more one can become stronger in their capacity to serve others and hold space, as well as a high level of self-awareness.

The same equally applies to you as a previous or future participant at a Pool Of Life Constellations workshop. The level of depth, healing and transformation in a Workshop space is unparalleled. The space is your inner gym to build your self-awareness muscle and capacity to change you and bring harmony into your life, as well as healing your ancestors/family system.

I'm excited for the next Pool Of Life 1 Day and Intro to Family Constellations Workshops taking place at the amazing Baltic Ventures space in Liverpool's Baltic Quarter. Click on the links below to book.

As with all topics and themes for the newsletter, they seem to have a knack for bubbling to the surface just in time for publication.

Coming out the other side of the last training module in Devon on Sunday has been a rollercoaster of emotion, and there has been a feeling of being completely discombobulated. 7 full days of constant training, back-to-back constellation sessions and reflective practice had left me feeling well and truly cooked.

Being cooked means feelings of tenderness, vulnerability, and sensitivity however with such states comes deep insight and realisation, the insight in this case being ....endings!

As we were bringing the training to a conclusion on Sunday, I noticed that feelings of grief and sadness were starting to emerge in me. One of the final actions of the day is a closing round, where each person gets 2 minutes to share final reflections. It seems I wasn't the only one feeling the sadness.

On the long trip home to Liverpool, there was an opportunity to reflect on what was happening and why. What was underneath the primary emotion of the sadness and the grief, I reflected on why such a reluctance to say goodbye and bring things to an end.

Reflection - When in your own life have you experienced a situation whereby it was hard to say goodbye? Take a couple of minutes, close your eyes, and recall a memory of the event. Who was there, what was happening, what was the emotion?

There are endings of many shapes and colours however some examples are -

  • Quitting or losing a job.

  • Ending an intimate relationship.

  • The death of someone close.

  • A child's first day at school or leaving to go to University/leaving the nest.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.’

Anatole France

I came across the above quote while doing some recent research and it brings me back to issue #7, my last newsletter - Good Grief. Again, with this edition we're getting into grief territory, and how grief seems to be coupled to endings. They go together like a horse and carriage.

It is argued that even in happy endings there is still a sense of grief, even in a small way. To live with the expectation that there is only a happy ever after is to live out a fairy tale. To deny grief, no matter how small is to deny life.

At this moment I'm currently sitting with and holding space for myself as I experience grief and sadness, specifically about someone very special and close to me. As one opens oneself fully to all of it, one also feels deep love and respect in equal measure. You can't have one without the others.

It's real and it's authentic and it all belongs and like the inner gym comments above, by fully opening to and embodying the emotion, we develop a deeper and stronger capacity and awareness to be more, to hold more, to love more, to be present to what is.....and that takes courage and vulnerability.

To acknowledge an ending fully and with presence can be and should be a sacred experience, for the reason being that an ending is also a gateway to renewal and new beginnings, to start afresh. It is a necessary rite of passage and initiatory process and no matter how big or small it needs to be honoured.

To end something 'properly' marks a clear demarcation point. It leaves no residue, it is clean, and one can step forward with confidence, and peace, without attachment to the old and space and capacity for the newness that will unfold.

I see time and time again, many people entangled with, attached to, and identified with the past, whether it be with person, place, or both. To be this way has consequences and can hinder one from living and experiencing a full life. One's cup is too full to receive.

The Family Constellations method is a powerful way of approaching endings and offers a ritual and a process for looking at our past, our entanglements with our parents and wider ancestors, and the people and places one has left behind, yet still attached somehow.

The method offers a way of looking back, acknowledging what is, and then letting

go........letting go and feeling what needs to be felt, and stepping forward renewed and ready to live more fully with increased awareness and new perspectives.

As a final note, I would like to offer a small gift. This is a mini-ritual for you to use if you feel called and can be useful when acknowledging something to be let go. This is a ritual that was shared by one of my Teachers Alejandro Jodorowsky, a true mystic.

If you have a situation(s) that you would like to bring to an end then do the following.

  • Find a quiet space, away from any distractions where you know you will not be disturbed. If you're indoors create a sacred space by lighting a candle, and/or burning some incense.

  • Take 10-15 minutes at the beginning, close your eyes, slow down your breathing and bring to mind the person or the situation that you want to bring to a close, to to let go of. Bring it to life, their face, their vibe, how they feel, maybe what they would say. Acknowledge it fully and then open your eyes.

  • Take a pen and paper and write this person or place a letter, writing as many pages as needed. Write about your feelings, your memories, the good times, the challenging times, the conversations, the places you visited, and the experiences you shared. Write something that you truly wished and wanted to say but never could for whatever reason.

  • Welcome any emotions that arise and give them space. It's important not to rush the process. We are often so busy and distracted that we can rarely give the time and space needed for what is deeper to emerge. (When I have done this ritual in the past it has taken upwards of 2 hours or more).

  • When you have finished writing, make an intention of honouring the person or the place and imagine in your mind's eye cutting a cord between you and them/it.

  • Take the letter and either burn it or bury it. The best way is to put it on an outdoor fire however it's equally ok to set it on fire with a lighter. When burying it, find a place that may have carried meaning such as a Beach or a Garden. I carried out this process when I was struggling to let go of New Zealand, 2 years after I had moved back to the UK. I wrote a letter and sent it to a friend in Wellington, New Zealand's Capital City, who subsequently buried it for me in her garden. The effects were significant and felt a cleanliness in my relationship to my 2nd home.

  • Do not underestimate the feelings and emotions that may arise from this process. Many people including myself can testify to its potency.

Join me on Saturday 18th May for the next 1 Day Family Constellations Workshop in Liverpool. Book Here Now -

Be The Change, Break The Chain.

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